bleak white men: part 1

"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire" -charles bukowski

i've had an adoration, a bemusement, a disdain and a love for bukowski all at once. i love the way that he writes and yet it drives me crazy. he produces some pretty good quotes however, and in a surprisingly broad range. this includes emotional range. much like giving an art piece context, i feel like his life gives him context. bukowski lived his whole life in los angeles. fame was pretty fickle to him, in that he had numerous rejections and failures. he worked as a postal worker. he worked in a pickle factory. he lost his only love. he was a womanizer. he was an alcoholic. he was down on his luck more than a few times.

nothing about that quote makes me think of fire. nothing about bukowski makes me think of fire accept for maybe an image of burning cigarettes or burning paper or paper that caught fire from his cigarettes. regardless, it seemed more important to focus on the feeling of what he was saying. it's optomistic, and yet something about it feels empty or perhaps maybe a little helpless and weary and yet at the same time there is no dread from any of these sentiments.

i guess all of these things are in my mind most comparable to the feelings of contemplating time and space. in annie hall a young alfie points out "the universe is expanding." i guess its kind of like that. a bleak white man will take this sentiment as he will.